Florence Green Is 81
Florence Green Is 81 (第1/3页)
DinnerwithFlorenceGreen.Theoldbabeisonakicktonight:Iwanttogotosomeothercountry,sheannounces.Everyonewonderswhatthiscanmean.ButFlorencesaysnothingmore:noexplanation,noelaboration,afterasatisfiedlookaroundthetablebang!sheisasleepagain.ThegirlatFlorencesrightisnewhereanddoesnotunderstand.Igiveheraningratiatinglook(alookthatsays,"Thereisnothingtoworryabout,IwillexplaineverythinglaterintheprivacyofmyquartersKathleen").Lentilsvegetateinthedepthsofthefourthprincipalriveroftheworld,theOb,inSiberia,3200miles.WearetalkingaboutQuemoyandMatsu."Itsamatterofleadingfromstrength.Whatisthestrongestpossiblemoveonourpart?Todenythemtheislandseventhoughtheislandsareworthlessinthemselves."Baskerville,asophomoreattheFamousWritersSchoolinWestport,Connecticut,whichheattendswiththeobjectofbecomingafamouswriter,ismakinghisexcitednotes.Thenewgirlsboobiesarelikemysecretarysknees,veryprominentandirritating.Florencebegantheeveningbysaying,grandly,"Theupstairsbathroomleaksyouknow."WhatdoesHermanKahnthinkaboutQuemoyandMatsu?Icantremember,Icantremember
OhBaskerville!yousillysonofabitch,howcanyoubecomeafamouswriterwithoutfirsthavingworriedaboutyourlife,isittherightkindoflife,doesithavetherightpeopleinit,isitgoingwell?InsteadyouarebeglamouredbyJ.D.Ratcliff.ThesmallestcityintheUnitedStateswithapopulationover100,000isSantaAna,California,where100,350citizensnestletogetherintheBalboabluePacificeveningsworryingabouttheirlives.Iamayoungmanbutverybrilliant,veryingratiating,IadoptthisingratiatingtonebecauseIcanthelpmyself(forfearofboringyou).Ieditwithmylefthandasmallmagazine,veryscholarly,verybrilliant,calledTheJournalofTensionReduction(social-psychologicalstudies,learneddisputation,letters-to-the-editor,anxietyinrats).Isntthatdistasteful?CertainlyitisdistastefulbutifFlorenceGreentakeshermoneytoanothercountrywhowillpaytheprinter?answermethat.FromanarticleinTheJournalofTensionReduction:"Onesourceofconcernintheclassicencounterbetweenpatientandpsychoanalystisthepatientsfearofboringthedoctor."Thedoctornodoubtisalsoworryingabouthislife,unfoldingwithtenminutesbetweenhourstosmokeacigaretteinandwashhishandsin.Reader,youwhohavealreadybeentoldmorethanyouwanttoknowabouttheriverOb,3200mileslong,inSiberia,wehaverolestoplay,thouandI:youarethedoctor(washingyourhandsbetweenhours),andI,Iam,Ithink,thenervousdrearypatient.Iamfreeassociating,brilliantly,brilliantly,toputyouintotheproblem.Orforfearofboringyou:which?TheJournalofTensionReductionisconcernedwitheverythingfromglobaltensions(drumsalongtheOb)tointerpersonalrelations(Baskervilleandthenewgirl).Thereis,wefeel,toomuchtensionintheworld,Imyselfamaperfectexample,mystomachislikeaclenchedfist.Noticetheingratiatingtonehere?theonlywayIcanrelaxit,Irefertothestomach,isbyintroducingquartsofFleischmannsGin.FleischmannsIhavefoundisamagnificentsourceoftensionreduction,IfavortheestablishmentofcomfortstationsprovidingfreeFleischmannsoneverystreetcornerofthecityofSantaAna,California,andallothercities.Beserious,cantyou?
Thenewgirlisathinthinsketchygirlwithabigchestloomingoverthegazpachoandblackholesaroundhereyesthatareverypromising.Surelywhensheopenshermouthtoadswillpopout.Iamtemptedtoremovemyshirtandshowhermytrimmidsectionsportingchiseledabdominals,mysuperiorshouldersandbrilliantlydevelopedpectoral-latissimustie-in.JacksoncalledhimselfaSouthCarolinian,andhisbiographer,AmosKendall,recordedhisbirthplaceasLancasterCounty,S.C.;butPartonhaspublisheddocumentaryevidencetoshowthatJacksonwasborninUnionCounty,N.C.,lessthanaquartermilefromtheSouthCarolinaline.Jacksonismygreatheroeventhoughhehad,ifcontemporaryreportsaretobebelieved,lousylats.IamalsoaweightlifterandpoetandadmirerofJacksonandthefatherofoneabortionandfourmiscarriages;whoamongyouhassucharecordandnowife?BaskervillesdifficultynotonlyattheFamousWritersSchoolinWestport,Connecticut,butineverypartoftheworld,isthatheisslow."Thatsaslowboy,thatone,"hisfirstteachersaid."Thatboyiswhatyoucallrealslow,"hissecondteachersaid."Thatsaslowsonofabitch,"histhirdteachersaid.Andtheywereright,right,entirelycorrect,stillIlearnedaboutAndrewJacksonandabortions,manyofyouwalkingthestreetsofSantaAna,California,andallothercitiesknownothingabouteither."Insuchcasesthepatientseesthedoctorasahighlysophisticatedconsumerofoutrématerial,aconnoisseurofexoticbehavior.Thereforehetendstoproposehimselfasmorecolorful,moreeccentric(ormoreill)thanhereallyis;orheiswitty,orhefantasticates."Yousee?Isntthatsensible?Inthemagazinewerunmanyusefulandsensiblepiecesofthiskind,portagesthroughthewhirlpool-countryofthemind.InthemagazineIcannotopenlyadvocatetheuseofFleischmannsGinintensionreductionbutIdidrunanarticletitled"AlcoholReconsidered"writtenbyatalentedsoakofmyacquaintancewhichdrewmanyapprovingifcarefullywordedlettersfromsecretdrinkersinpsychologydepartmentsalloverthisvast,dryandmisunderstoodcountry
"Thatsaslowsonofabitch,"histhirdteacherremarkedofhim,atameetingcalledtodiscusstheformationofaspecialprogramforInferiorStudents,inwhichBaskervillesnamehadsotospeakrushedtothefore.TheyoungBaskerville,shrinkingalongthebeachbrushingsandfromhisdrearyTexaseyes,hissadfingersgripping$20worthofpamphletssecuredbypostfromJoeWeider,"TrainerofTerrorFighters"(arethey,Baskervillewondered,likefirefighters?dotheyfightterror?ordothey,rather,inspireit?thelatterhis,Baskervilles,impossiblegoal),waseventhenincubatingplansforhisnovelTheChildrensArmywhichheisattendingtheFamousWritersSchooltolearnhowtowrite."Youwilldofamously,Baskerville,"saidtheRegistrar,theexcitingresultsofBaskervillesTalentTestlyingunexaminedbeforehim."RunalongnowtotheCashiersOffice.""IamwritingdoctoranimmensenoveltobecalledTheChildrensArmy!"(WhydoIthinkthecoloreddoctorsname,hewithhisbrownhandontheredradishes,isPamelaHansfordJohnson?WhydoIthink?)FlorenceGreenisasmallfatgirleighty-oneyearsold,oldwithbluelegsandveryrich.Rockpoolsdeepintheearth,IsalutetheshrewdnessofwhoeverfilledyouwithTexaco!Texacobreaksmyheart,Texacoisparticularlypoignant.FlorenceGreenwhowasnotalwaysasmallfatgirloncemadeavoyagewithherhusbandMr.GreenontheGrafZeppelin.Inthegrandsalon,sheremembers,therewasagrandpiano,thegreatpianistMandraketheMagicianwasalsoonboardbutcouldnotbepersuadedtoplay.TheZeppelinscouldnotusehelium;thegovernmentofthiscountryrefusedtosellheliumtotheownersoftheZeppelins.ThetitleofmysecondbookwillbeIbelieveHydrogenAfterLakehurst.Forthefirsthalfoftheeveningweheardabouttheproblemoftheupstairsbathroom:"Ihadamancomeoutandlookatit,andhesaiditwouldbetwohundredandtwenty-fivedollarsforanewone.IsaidIdidntwantanewone,Ijustwantedthisonefixed."ShallIoffertoobtainanewoneforFlorence,carvedoutofsolidhelium?wouldthatbeingratiating?Doessheworryaboutherlife?"Hesaidminewasold-fashionedandtheydidntmakepartsforthatkindanymore."Nowshesleepsuntidilyattheheadofthetable,exceptforhersingle,mysteriousstatement,deliveredwiththesoup(Iwanttogotosomeothercountry!),shehassaidnothingaboutherlifewhatsoeverThediameteroftheworldatthePolesis7899.99mileswhereasthediameteroftheworldattheEquatoris7926.68miles,markitandstrikeit.Iamsurethecoloredmanacrossfrommeisadoctor,hehasadoctorsdoctorlyairofbeingneededandnecessary.Heleansintotheconversationasiftosay:JustmakemeSecretaryofStateandthenyouwillseesomeaction."Illtellyouhing,thereareahellofalotofChineseo
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