Hiding Man
Hiding Man (第2/3页)
or,asingovernmentwheat,television,uranium,systemsdevelopment,publicrelations?Alsodisguiseiscommonplace,whyaNegro,whyaNegroindarkglasses,whysittinginthedark?Nowhepretendsfascinationwitheventsonscreen,hesaysithasbeenplayingsince1944,whereasIknowtomycertainknowledgethatlastweekitwasSheGodsofSharkReef,beforethatNightoftheBloodBeast,DiaryofaHighSchoolBride,CoolandtheCrazy.Coming:ReformSchoolGirlondoublebillwithInvasionoftheSaucerMen.Whylie?orisheattemptingtosuggestthemutabilityoftime?Odorofsweetnessfromsomewhere,flowersgrowingincracksoffloor,underneaththeseats?Possibleverbena,possiblegladiolus,iris,phlox.Cantidentifyatthisdistance,whatdoeshewant?Nowhelookssincere,makingfaceinvolvesremovingglasses(hiseyesburninthedark),wrinklingforehead,drawingdowncornersofmouth,hedoesitverywell.
"Tellmeexactlywhatitisyouhidefrom,"hedrops,theEnolaGayonfinallegofnotoriousmission.
Bombfailstofire,Burligamereactsnot.Facetheimageofcarelessgaiety,inhisownatrociousphrase,couldntcareless.Banenowaddressestaskconamore,itisclearthatheisaprofessional,butsentbywhom?Inthesetimeseverythingisverydifficult,thelinesofdemarcationarenotclear.
"Look,"pleadshe,movingtwospacesnearer,whispering,"Iknowyourehiding,youknowyourehiding,Iwillmakeaconfession,Itooamhiding.Wehavediscoveredeachother,wearemutuallyembarrassed,wewatchtheexits,welistenforthesoundofroughvoices,thesoundofbetrayal.Whynotconfideinme,whynotmakecommoncause,everydayisalittlelonger,sometimesIthinkmyhearingisgone,sometimesmyeyesclosewithoutinstruction.Twocanwatchbetterthanone,Iwilleventellyoumyrealname."
Possibleemotionsinthefaceofblatantsincerity:repugnance,withdrawal,joy,flight,camaraderie,denouncehimtotheauthorities(therearestillauthorities).Andyet,isthisnotcircumstancebeforewhichthenakedBurligamemightdangle,isthisnotreallife,riskanddanger,asinVoodooWoman,asinCreaturefromtheBlackLagoon?
Banecontinues."Myrealname(howcanIsayit?)isAdrianHipkiss,itisthisamongotherthingsIflee.CanyouimaginebeingnamedAdrianHipkiss,thesnickers,thejokes,thecontumely,itwasinsupportable.Therewereotheritems,in1944ImailedaletterinwhichIdidntsaywhatImeant,Imovedthenextday,itwasNewYearsEveandallthemovingmenweredrunk,theybrokealegonthepiano.Forfearitwouldreturntoaccuseme.Mylifesincehasbeenonemaskafteranother,Watford,Watkins,Watley,Watlow,Watson,Watt,nowidentityisgone,blownaway,whoamI,whoknows?"
Bane-Hipkissbeginstosob,coolingsystemswitcheson,citylifeatextureofmysteriousnoises,startingandstopping,startingandstopping,wewincontrolofthephysicalenvironmentonlyattheexpenseoftheauditory,whatifoneweresensitive,whatifoneflinchedinthedark?Mutanttermitesdevouringpuppetpeopleatagreatrate,decorationsforthescientists,tastynurseforyounglieutenant,theywillenditwithajokeifpossible,meaning:itwasnotrealafterall.Cheatingexistsoneverylevel,theattempttodenywhattheeyereveals,whatthemindknowstobetrue.Bane-Hipkissstrainscredulity,apiginapoke,ifnot(6)or(1)amIpreparedtodealwith(2)?Shalltherebesolidarity?Butweepingisbeyondtoleration,unnatural,itshouldbereservedforgreatoccasions,thetelegraminthedepthsofthenight,raildisasters,earthquakes,war.
"Ihidefromthepriests"(myvoicecuriouslytentative,fluting),"whenIwasthetallestboyintheeighthgradeatOurLadyoftheSorrowstheywantedmetogooutforbasketball,Iwouldnot,FatherBlautheathleticpriestsaidIavoidedwholesomesporttoseekoutoccasionsofsin,inadditiontothesinofpride,inadditiontovariousothersinscarefullyenumeratedbeforeaninterestedgroupofmycontemporaries."
Bane-Hipkissbrightens,ceasessobbing,meanwhilefilmbeginsagain,puppetpeoplemoveoncemoreagainstU.S.Army,theyareinvincible,HonestJohnisajoke,HoundDogmalfunctions,Wowserdetonatesonlaunchingpad,flowersmellstrongerandsweeter,aretheyreallygrowingunderneathourfeet,istimeintruthpassing?
"FatherBlautookhisrevengeintheconfessional,heinsistedonknowingeverything.Andtherewasmuchtoknow.BecauseInolongerbelievedasIwassupposedtobelieve.Orbelievedtoomuch,indiscriminately.Toonewhohasalwaysbeenoverlysusceptibletosloganstheyshouldneverhavesaid:Youcanchangetheworld.IsuggestedtomyconfessorthatcertainaspectsoftheritualcomparedunfavorablywiththeresurrectionsceneinBrideofFrankenstein.Hewasshocked."
Bane-Hipkisspales,hehimselfisshocked.
"Butbecausehehad,asitwere,avestedinterestinme,hesoughttomakecleartheerrorofmyways.Ididnotinvitethisinterest,itembarrassedme,Ihadotherthingsonmymind.WasitmyfaultthatinallthatundernourishedparishonlyIhadsecretedsufficienthormones,hadchewedthoroughlyenoughthesoupandchipsthatwereourdailyfare,topushheadandhandincloseproximitytothebasket?"
"Youcouldhavefakedasprainedankle,"Bane-Hipkisssaysreasonably.
"Thatwasunfortunatelyonlythebeginning.OnedayinthemidstofagoodActofContrition,FatherBlauofficiatingwithpiousmalice,Ileapedfromtheboxandsprinteddowntheaisle,nevertoreturn.RunningpastpeopledoingtheStationsoftheCross,pastthetinyNegrolady,somebodysmaid,ouronlyblackparishioner,whoalwayssatintheverylastrowwithahandkerchiefoverherhead.LeavingFatherBlau,unregenerate,withthesorryresidueofourweeklyencounter:impurethoughts,anger,dirtywords,disobedience."
Bane-Hipkisstravelstwoseatsnearer(whytwoatatime?),thereisanedgetohisvoice."Impurethoughts?"
"Myimpurethoughtswereofaparticularlydetailedandgraphickind,involvingatthattimeprincipallyNeddaAnnBushwholivedtwodoorsdownthestreetfromusandwashandsomelydeveloped.UnderwhosewindowsIcrouchedonmanylongnightsawaitingrevelationsofbeauty,thelightbeingjustrightbetweenthebureauandthewindow.Beingrewardedonseveraloccasions,namely3May1942withaglimpseoffamousbust,18October1943,aparticularlychillevening,transferofpantsfrompersontoclotheshamper,coupledwiththreeminutessubsequentexposureinstateofnature.Beforeshethoughttoturnoutthelight."
"Extraordinary!"Bane-Hipkissexhalesnoisily.Itisclearthatconfessionisdoinghimgoodinsomeobscureway."Butsurelythispriestextendedsomesortofspiritualconsolation,counsel"
"HeonceofferedmepartofaBabyRuth."
"Thiswasamarkoffavor?"
"Hewantedmetogrow.Itwasinhisowninterest.HiseyewasontheAll-Citytitle."
"Butitwasanactofkindness."
"ThatwasbeforeItoldhimIwasntgoingout.Inthedarkboxwithslidingpanels,facesbehindscreenasinBighouseBaby,asinMysteriousHouseofUsher,hegavemeonlysteadfastrefusaltou
（本章未完，请点击下一页继续阅读）