Me and Miss Mandible
Me and Miss Mandible (第1/3页)
13September
MissMandiblewantstomakelovetomebutshehesitatesbecauseIamofficiallyachild;Iam,accordingtotherecords,accordingtothegradebookonherdesk,accordingtothecardindexintheprincipalsoffice,elevenyearsold.Thereisamisconceptionhere,hatIhaventquitemanagedtogetclearedupyet.Iaminfactthirty-five,IvebeenintheArmy,Iamsixfeetone,Ihavehairintheappropriateplaces,myvoiceisabaritone,IknowverywellwhattodowithMissMandibleifsheevermakesuphermind.
Inthemeantimewearestudyingcommonfractions.Icould,ofcourse,answerallthequestions,oratleastmostofthem(therearethingsIdontremember).ButIprefertositinthistoo-smallseatwiththedesktopcrampingmythighsandexamhelifearoundme.Therearethirty-twointheclass,whichislaunchedeverymorningwiththepledgeofallegiancetotheflag.Myownallegiance,atthemoment,isdividedbetweenMissMandibleandSueAnnBrownly,whositsacrosstheaislefrommealldaylongandis,likeMissMandible,afoolforlove.OfthetwoIprefer,today,SueAnn;althoughbetweenelevenandelevenandahalf(sherefusestorevealherexactage)sheisclearlyawoman,withawomansdisguisedaggressionandawomanspeculiarcontradictions.Strangelyneithershenoranyoftheotherchildrenseemtoseeanyincongruityinmypresencehere.
15September
Happilyourgeographytext,whichcontainsmapsofalltheprincipalland-massesoftheworld,islargeenoughtoconcealmyclandestinejournal-keeping,accomplishedinanordinaryblackcompositionbook.EverydayImustwaituntilGeographytoputdownsuchthoughtsasImayhavehadduringthemorningaboutmysituationandmyfellows.Ihavetriedwritingatothertimesanditdoesnotwork.Eithertheteacheriswalkingupanddowntheaisles(duringthisperiod,luckily,shesticksclosetothemaprackinthefrontoftheroom)orBobbyVanderbilt,whositsbehindme,ispunchingmeinthekidneysandwantingtoknowwhatIamdoing.Vanderbilt,Ihavefoundoutfromcertaindesultoryconversationsontheplayground,ishunguponsportscars,aveteranconsumerofRoad&Track.Thisexplainsthecontinualroaringsoundswhichseemtoemanatefromhisdesk;heisreproducingarecordalbumcalledSoundsofSebring.
19September
OnlyI,attimes(onlyattimes),understandthatsomehowamistakehasbeenmade,thatIaminaplacewhereIdontbelong.ItmaybethatMissMandiblealsoknowsthis,atsomelevel,butforreasonsnotfullyunderstoodbymesheisgoingalongwiththegame.WhenIwasfirstassignedtothisroomIwantedtoprotest,theerrorseemedobvious,thestupidestprincipalcouldhaveseenit;butIhavecometobelieveitwasdeliberate,thatIhavebeenbetrayedagain.
Nowitseemstomakelittledifference.Thislife-roleisasinterestingasmyformerlife-role,whichwasthatofaclaimsadjusterfortheGreatNorthernInsuranceCompany,apositionwhichcompelledmetospendmytimeamidthedebrisofourcivilization:rumpledfenders,rooflesssheds,guttedwarehouses,smashedarmsandlegs.Aftertenyearsofthisonehasatendencytoseetheworldasavastjunkyard,lookingatamanandseeingonlyhis(potentially)mangledparts,enteringahouseonlytotracethepathoftheinevitablefire.ThereforewhenIwasinstalledhere,althoughIknewanerrorhadbeenmade,Icountenancedit,Iwasshrewd;Iwasawarethattheremightwellbesomekindofadvantagetobegainedfromwhatseemedadisaster.TheroleofTheAdjusterteachesonemuch.
22September
Iambeingsolicitedforthevolleyballteam.Idecline,refusingtotakeunfairprofitfrommyheight.
23September
Everymorningtherolliscalled:Bestvina,Bokenfohr,Broan,Brownly,Cone,Coyle,Crecelius,Darin,Durbin,Geiger,Guiswite,Heckler,Jacobs,Kleinschmidt,Lay,Logan,Masei,Mitgang,Pfeilsticker.ItislikethelitanychantedinthedimmiserabledawnsofTexasbythecadresergeantofourbasictrainingcompany.
IntheArmy,too,Iwaseversoslightlyawry.Ittookmeafantasticallylongtimetorealizewhattheothersgraspedalmostatonce:thatmuchofwhatweweredoingwasabsolutelypointless,tonopurpose.Ikeptwonderingwhy.Thensomethinghappenedthatproposedanewquestion.Onedaywewerecommandedtowhitewash,fromthegroundtothetopmostleaves,allofthetreesinourtrainingarea.Thecorporalwhorelayedtheorderwasnervousandapologetic.Lateranoff-dutycaptainsaunteredbyandwatchedus,white-splashedandtotallyweary,strungoutamongthefreakishshapeswehadcreated.Hewalkedawayswearing.Iunderstoodtheprinciple(ordersareorders),butIwondered:Whodecides?
29September
SueAnnisawonder.YesterdaysheviciouslykickedmyanklefornotpayingattentionwhenshewasattemptingtopassmeanoteduringHistory.Itisswollenstill.ButMissMandiblewaswatchingme,therewasnothingIcoulddo.OddlyenoughSueAnnremindsmeofthewifeIhadinmyformerrole,whileMissMandibleseemstobeachild.Shewatchesmeconstantly,tryingtokeepsexualsignificanceoutofherlook;Iamafraidtheotherchildrenhavenoticed.Ihavealreadyheard,onthatghostlyfrequencythatisthemediumofclassroomcommunication,thewords"Teacherspet!"
2October
SometimesIspeculateontheexactnatureoftheconspiracywhichbroughtmehere.AttimesIbelieveitwasinstigatedbymywifeofformerdays,whosenamewasIamonlypretendingtoforget.Iknowhernameverywell,aswellasIknowthenameofmyformermotoroil(QuakerState)ormyoldArmyserialnumber(US54109268).HernamewasBrenda,andtheconversationIrecallbest,theonewhichmakesmesuspiciousnow,tookplaceonthedayweparted."Youhavethesoulofawhore,"Isaidonthatoccasion,statingnothinglessthanliteral,unvarnishedfact."You,"shereplied,"areapimp,apoop,andachild.IamleavingyouforeverandItrustthatwithoutmeyouwillperishofyourowninadequacies.Whichareconsiderable."
Isquirminmyseatatthememoryofthisconversation,andSueAnnwatchesmewithmaligncompassion.Shehasnoticedthediscrepancybetweenthesizeofmydeskandmyownsize,butapparentlyseesitonlyasatokenofmyglamour,mydarkman-of-the-world-ness.
7October
OnceItiptoeduptoMissMandiblesdesk(whentherewasnooneelseintheroom)andexamineditssurface.MissMandibleisaclean-deskteacher,Idiscovered.Therewasnothingexcepthergradebook(theoneinwhichIexistasasixth-grader)andatext,whichwasopenatapageheadedMakingtheProcessesMeaningful.Iread:"Manypupilsenjoyworkingfractionswhentheyunderstandwhattheyaredoing.Theyhaveconfidenceintheirabilitytotaketherightstepsandtoobtaincorrectanswers.However,togivethesubjectfullsocialsignificance,itisnecessarythatmanyrealisticsituationsrequiringtheprocessesbefound.Manyinterestingandlifelikeproblemsinvolvingtheuseoffractionsshouldbesolved"
8October
Iamnotirritatedbythefeelingofhavingbeenthroughallthisbefore.Thingsaredonedifferentlynow.Thechildren,moreover,areinsomewaysdifferentfromthosewhoaccompaniedmeonmyfirstvoyagethroughtheelementaryschools:"Theyhaveconfidenceintheirabilitytotaketherightstepsandtoobtaincorrectanswers."Thisissurelytrue.WhenBobbyVanderbilt,whositsbehindmeandhasthegreattacticaladvantageofbeingabletomaneuverinmydisproportionateshadow,wishestobustaclassmateinthemouthhefirstasksMissMandibletolowertheblind,sayingthatthesunhurtshiseyes.Whenshedoesso,bip!Mygenerationwouldneverhavebeenabletoconauthoritysoeasily.
13October
ItmaybethatonmyfirsttripthroughtheschoolsI
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