A Shower of Gold
A Shower of Gold (第3/3页)
ndfeebleconditionissowretchedthatwhenweconsideritclosely,nothingcanconsoleus,"Sherrysaid."ThatsPascal.""Iknow,"Petersonsaid,weakly."Whereisthejohn?"Louiseasked.Annmarchedintothekitchenandbegantoprepare,fromsuppliesremovedfromherrucksack,somethingcalledvealengagé."Kissme,"Sherrysaid,"Ineedlove."Petersonflewtohisfriendlyneighborhoodbar,orderedadoublebrandy,andwedgedhimselfintoatelephonebooth."MissArbor?ThisisHankPeterson.Listen,MissArbor,Icantdoit.No,Imeanreally.Imbeingpunishedhorriblyforeventhinkingaboutit.No,Imeanit.Youcantimaginewhatsgoingonaroundhere.Please,getsomebodyelse?Idregarditasagreatpersonalfavor.MissArbor?Please?"
TheothercontestantswereayoungmaninwhitepajamasnamedArthurPick,akarateexpert,andanairlinepilotinfulluniform,WallaceE.Rice."Justbenatural,"MissArborsaid,"andofcoursebefrank.Wescoreonthebasisofthevalidityofyouranswers,andofcoursethatsmeasuredbythepolygraph.""Whatsthisaboutapolygraph?"theairlinepilotsaid."Thepolygraphmeasuresthevalidityofyouranswers,"MissArborsaid,herlipsglowingwhitely."Howelsearewegoingtoknowifyoure""Lying?"WallaceE.Ricesupplied.Thecontestantswereconnectedtothemachineandthemachoalargeilluminatedtoteboardhangingovertheirheads.Themasterofceremonies,Petersonnotedwithoutpleasure,resembledthePresidentanddidnotlookatallfriendly.
TheprogrambeganwithArthurPick.ArthurPickgotupinhiswhitepajamasandgaveakaratedemonstrationinwhichhebrokethreehalf-inchpineboardswithasinglekickofhisnakedleftfoot.Thenhetoldhowhehaddisarmedabandit,lateatnightattheA&Pwherehewasanassistantmanager,withamaneuvercalleda"rip-choong"whichhedemonstratedontheannouncer."Howaboutthat?"theannouncercaroled."Isntthatsomething?Audience?"TheaudiencerespondedenthusiasticallyandArthurPickstoodmodestlywithhishandsbehindhisback."Now,"theannouncersaid,letsplayWhoAmI?Andheresyourhost,BillLemmon!"No,hedoesntlooklikethePresident,Petersondecided."Arthur,"BillLemmonsaid,"fortwentydollars——doyouloveyourmother?""Yes,"ArthurPicksaid."Yes,ofcourse."Abellrang,thetoteboardflashed,andtheaudiencescreamed."Heslying!"theannouncershouted,"lying!lying!lying!""Arthur,"BillLemmonsaid,lookingathisindexcards,"thepolygraphshowsthatthevalidityofyouranswerisquestionable.Wouldyouliketotryitagain?Takeanothercrackatit?""Yourecrazy,"ArthurPicksaid."OfcourseIlovemymother."Hewasfishingaroundinsidehispajamasforahandkerchief."Isyourmotherwatchingtheshowtonight,Arthur?""Yes,Bill,sheis.""Howlonghaveyoubeenstudyingkarate?""Twoyears,Bill.""Andwhopaidforthelessons?"ArthurPickhesitated.Thenhesaid:"Mymother,Bill.""Theywereprettyexpensive,werentthey,Arthur?""Yes,Bill,theywere.""Howexpensive?""Fivedollarsanhour.""Yourmotherdoesntmakeverymuchmoney,doesshe,Arthur?""No,Bill,shedoesnt.""Arthur,whatdoesyourmotherdoforaliving?""Shesagarmentworker,Bill.Inthegarmentdistrict.""Andhowlonghassheworkeddownthere?""Allherlife,Iguess.Sincemyoldmandied.""Andshedoesntmakeverymuchmoney,yousaid.""No.Butshewantedtopayforthelessons.Sheinsistedonit."BillLemmonsaid:"Shewantedasonwhocouldbreakboardswithhisfeet?"Petersonsliverleapedandthetoteboardspelledout,inhuge,glowingwhiteletters,thewordsbadfaith.Theairlinepilot,WallaceE.Rice,wasledtorevealthathehadbeencaught,onaflightfromOmahatoMiami,withastewardesssittingonhislapandwearinghiscaptainscap,thattheflightengineerhadtakenaPolaroidpicture,andthathehadbeengiveninvoluntaryretirementafterneenyearsoffaithfulservice."Itwasperfectlysafe,"WallaceE.Ricesaid,"youdontunderstand,theautomaticpilotcanflythatplanebetterthanIcan."Hefurtherconfessedtoalifelongandintolerableitchafterstewardesseswhichhadmuchtodo,hesaid,withthewaytheirjacketsfelljustontopoftheirhips,andhisownjacketwiththethreegoldstripesonthesleevedarkenedwithsweatuntilitwasblack.
Iwaswrong,Petersonthought,theworldisabsurd.Theabsurdityispunishingmefornotbelievinginit.Iaffirmtheabsurdity.Ontheotherhand,absurdityisitselfabsurd.Beforetheemceecouldaskthefirstquestion,Petersonbegantotalk."Yesterday,"Petersonsaidtothetelevisionaudience,"inthetypewriterinfrontoftheOlivettishowroomonFifthAvenue,IfoundarecipeforTenIngredientSoupthatincludedastonefromatoadshead.AndwhileIstoodtheremarvelinganiceoldladypastedontheelbowofmybestHaspelsuitalittlebluestickerreadingTHISINDIVIDUALISAPARTOFTHECOMMUNISTCONSPIRACYFORGLOBALDOMINATIONOFTHEENTIREGLOBE.CominghomeIpassedasignthatsaidinten-footlettersCOWARDSHOESandheardamansinging"GoldenEarrings"inahorriblevoice,andlastnightIdreamedtherewasashoot-outatourhouseonMeatStreetandmymothershovedmeinaclosettogetmeoutofthelineoffire."TheemceewavedatthefloormanagertoturnPetersonoff,butPetersonkepttalking."Inthiskindofaworld,"Petersonsaid,"absurdifyouwill,possibilitiesneverthelessproliferateandescalateallaroundusandthereareopportunitiesforbeginningagain.Iamaminorartistandmydealerwontevendisplaymyworkifhecanhelpitbutminorisasminordoesandlightningmaystrikeevenyet.Dontbereconciled.Turnoffyourtelevisionsets,"Petersonsaid,"cashinyourlifeinsurance,indulgeinamindlessoptimism.Visitgirlsatdusk.Playtheguitar.Howcanyoubealienatedwithoutfirsthavingbeenconnected?Thinkbackandrememberhowitwas."AmanonthefloorinfrontofPetersonwaswavingapieceofcardboardonwhichsomethingthreateningwaswrittenbutPetersonignoredhimandconcentratedonthecamerawiththelittleredlight.ThelittleredlightjumpedfromcameratocamerainanattempttothrowhimoffbalancebutPetersonwastoosmartforitandfollowedwhereveritwent."Mymotherwasaroyalvirgin,"Petersonsaid,"andmyfatherashowerofgold.Mychildhoodwaspastoralandenergeticandrichinexperienceswhichdevelopedmycharacter.AsayoungmanIwasnobleinreason,infiniteinfaculty,informexpressandadmirable,andinapprehension"Petersonwentonandonandalthoughhewas,inasense,lying,inasensehewasnot.
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