The Sea of Hesitation
The Sea of Hesitation (第2/3页)
ryJochasedhimthroughGrandCentralwiththegreatwhirlingloopofherlariat,causingtalk——ButHonorcouldntseehim,inthebeginning.Shesreconsidered.Iwishshehadntthrowntheturntableonthefloor,a$600B&O,butallthatsbehindusnow.
Isawthismorningthatthebuildingattheendofthestreetsbeensold.Itstoodemptyforyears,anarchitecturalanomaly,three-storied,brick,butmostofall,triangular.Twostreetscometogetherinapointthere,andprospectivebuyersmusthaveboggledattheangles.Ijudgedthattheownersdecidedtoletmoralitygohangandsoldtoaménageàtrois.Theyllneedatriplebed,customizedtofitthoseoddcorners.IcanseethemwithprotractorandSkilsaw,gettingthethingjustright.Thensweepingupthebedcrumbs.
Shetelephonesagain.
"Itdoesnthavetobethebestbedintheworld.Anyoldbedwilldo.Samsbitchingallnightlong."
"Foryou,dearfriend,Illtakeeverypain.WerecheckingnowinIndonesia,ararealbinobedsbeensightedthere"
"Tom,thisisntfunny.Isleptinthebathtublastnight."
"Youretoolongforthebathtub."
"DoyouwantSamtodoit?"
DoIwantSamtodoit?
"No.Illdoit."
"Thendoit."
Wewerecontentforquiteawhile,shetaughtmewhatshedmajoredin,alovelyRomancetongue,wevisitedthecountryandwhenIdaskinapharmacieforarazortheydgivemerosewater.Imteasingher,andsheme.ShewantsSam.Thatsgood.
Francescawasreadingtome.
"ThisisthenoteLeewrote,"shesaid."Listen.Nooneismoreawarethanmyselfofmyinabilityforthedutiesofmyposition.IcannotevenaccomplishwhatImyselfdesire.HowcanIfulfilltheexpectationsofothers?InadditionIsensiblyfeelthegrowingfailureofmybodilystrength.IhavenotyetrecoveredfromtheattackIexperiencedthepastspring.Iambecomingmoreandmoreincapableofexertion,andamthuspreventedfrommakingthepersonalexaminationsandgivingthepersonalsupervisiontotheoperationsinthefieldwhichIfeeltobenecessary.IamsodullmakinguseoftheeyesofothersIamfrequentlymisled.Everything,therefore,pointstotheadvantagestobederivedfromanewcommander.Ayoungerandablermanthanmyselfcanreadilybeobtained.Iknowthathewillhaveasgallantandbraveanarmyaseverexistedtosecondhisefforts,anditwouldbethehappiestdayofmylifetoseeatitsheadaworthy"
Francescastoppedreading.
"ThatwasRobertE.Lee,"shesaid.
"Yes,"Isaid.
"TheleaderofallthearmiesoftheConfederacy,"shesaid.
"Iknow."
"Iwantedhimtowin.Somuch."
"Iunderstand."
"Buthedidnot."
"Ihavereadaboutit."
FrancescahasConfederate-grayeyeswhichreflect,mostly,alifelongcontemplationofthenobilityofLeesgreathorse,Traveller.IleftFrancescaandwalkedinthepark,whereIamafraidtowalk,afterdark.Onemustletpeopledowhattheywanttodo,butwhatiftheywanttoslapyouupsidetheheadwithaStillsonwrenchandtakethecreditcardsoutofyourpockets?Aproblem.
Thepooraregettingpoorer.Isawapoormanandaskedhimifhehadanymoney.
"Money?"hesaid."MoneythinksIdiedalongtimeago."
WehavemovedfromtheAgeofAnxietytotheAgeofFear.Thisisofcourseprogress,psychologicallyspeaking.Iintendnoirony.
AnotherletterfromJinka.
UndearThomas:
Thenotionthatonlymanisvilemusthavebeeninventedtodescribeyou,vilefriend.Icannotcontaintherevulsionthatwhelmsinmeatthesightofyourname,inthePraguetelephonebook,fromyourtimeinPrague.Ihavescratcheditoutofmycopy,andscratcheditoutofallthecopiesIcouldgetmyhandson,intelephoneboothseverywhere.Thissymbolicremovalofyoufromthetelephoneboothsofourancientcityshouldnotescapeyournotice,stinkingmeat.Youhavebeenerasedandtheanointmentofthesick,formerlyknownasExtremeUnction,alsoastheLastRites,iswhatIhaveinmindforyou,soon.Whateveryouaredoing,stopit,drearpig.Theinsulttoconsciousnessaffordedbyyourproject,whateveritis,cannotbesufferedgladly,andIforonedonotintendtososuffer.Ihavemeasuresnotyetinthebooks,andwilltakethem.WhatIhaveinmindisnotshallotsandfreshrosemary,gutlesswonder,andyourcontinuedassociationwiththatridiculouslythinRobertE.Leegirlhasnotraisedyouinmyesteem,notabit.Oneifbylandandtwoifbysea,anditwillbesudden,Ipromiseyou.Beafraid.
Cordially,
Jinka
Iputthisletterwiththeothers,clippedtogetherwithapaperclip.Howgoodwritingsuchlettersmustmakeherfeel!
WittgensteinwasIthinkwrongwhenhesaidthataboutthatwhichwedonotknow,weshouldnotspeak.Heclosedbyfiatagreatamusementpark,there.NothinggivesmemorepleasurethanspeakingaboutthatwhichIdonotknow.Iamnotsurewhethermyideasaboutvariousmattersarecorrectorincorrect,butspeakaboutthemImust.
IdecidedtocallmybrotherinSanFrancisco.HeisacopyeditorontheSanFranciscoChronicle(althoughhewastrainedasabiologist——heisdoingwhathewantstodo,moreorless).BecausewearebothfromtheSouthourconversationstendtobeconductedinjiveassdialect.
"Hey,"Isaid.
"Hey,"hesaid.
"Whatshappening?Yougotanygirlcopyboysonthatnewspaperyet?"
"Man,"Paulsaid,"wegotnotonlygirlcopyboyswegottoplessgirlcopyboys.Wegonnahireusareporternextweek.Theypromisedus."
"Thatswonderful,"Isaid."Howareyoufeeling?"
"Imdepressed."
"Isitspecificornonspecific?"
"Well,"Paulsaid,"Ihavetoreadthepaperalot.Imreadytodropthebomb.Onus."
Onemustletpeopledowhattheywanttodo.Fortunatelymybrotherhaslittletosayaboutwhenandwherethebombwillbedropped.
MyotherfriendisCatherine.Catherine,likeFrancesca,
（本章未完，请点击下一页继续阅读）